Stages of semester death

aka. Stations of the cross... stage 1: the final deadline. students hand in their work. Not all the students. Mysteriously, several never show up. stage 2: trickle down. in dribs and drabs the tardy papers arrive by campus mail, email, stuffed under office doors in the middle of the night. stage 3: gradeland. furious, Herculean spurts of fitful speed grading as one races towards the final grades deadline. stage 4: the final accounting. the waiting and the grading is over. the grades computed, recorded. the die is cast! stage 5: left behind. more late papers come in, but alas, the time for grading has passed. the papers are sent to the island of orphaned assignments. stage 6: questions and answers. disgruntled and amazed students sent email queries wondering why their grade was lower than expected. could have something to do with the half dozen missed classes, pitiful portfolios, quiz meltdowns, and gaping holes in the spreadsheet where assignments should be. Responses are dispatched with coolness. stage 7: empire falls. it is over, but one continues to check and respond to email, putting out fires, dousing the flames with buckets of explanations and statements of syllabus policy. One feels the spew of non-believing victims of the reality principle hurled upon one's head from metaphysical spaces and brainy wormholes. Assailed by venomous dragon bites of rebel angels, a strong desire arises from the wellsprings to remove oneself to an undisclosed location, or at least to go fishing.